Monday, January 9, 2012;
the right one is worth the wait.
will u be the right one?
suddenly realized that all u ever think of is yourself.
u are disappointed, u are hurt, u are angry, u are never in the wrong.
so i have to be the one to admit that i was in the wrong even if i was hurt too.
but was i really the one?
call me petty, but is this the way to treat ur girl?
who was the one that let me wait, who was the one that decided not to turn up?
who was the one who decide to put that fucking committee above me?
u slept at 7 in the morning because u were doing yec's stuff.
yet, u were able to wake up on time for yec's event.
but when it comes to me, u overslept.
i waited 40 mins and u thought it was nothing.
i waited the whole morning and u thought it was nothing.
i dun fuck care if u had a headache because u had overslept.
seriously, treating me like dirt all the while?
fuck it. i had enough of the nonsense.
they say both have to give in for the relationship,
but somehow, i dun feel that way.
just because i want to maintain this relationship,
doesnt mean i have to put up with all the shit,
doesnt mean i have to be the only one changing,
losing myself, pride and dignity in the end.
somehow, what yuqi said is true.
if a guy is not willing to change for u when u are dating, he will never change for u.
are u willing to change for me? the answer was no.
will i be able to put up with ur temper and nonsense for the rest of my life?
the answer is no. i will never be able to do so.
so what if there's love? will we be able to live happily ever after?
i seriously doubt so.
yes, u are disappointed, but i am too.
but this time round, i wont be the one giving in again.
i am tired.
so this time round, i will give u the chance to prove how much i mean to u.
it's going to be the biggest gamble.
will i regret? maybe not.
will i be sad & disapointed? maybe yes.
but at the end of the day,
i will be able to find out if u are the right one.
i will be able to find out if i really mean anything to u.
if the answer is no for both, then it will be time to let go.
and i guess, i am ready for it.
i still remember saying that a woman's instinct in dangerously sensitive..
this time, i dun feel anything yet.
but i hope if i do, it will be for the good.
♥ The Face Of Love
11:28 PM
11:28 PM
Monday, December 19, 2011;
Turbulent week.
Humans are contradicting.
When you are busy, you want a break.
When you are having that break, you miss those busy moments.
Idiots.
And yes, i admit, i am one of them.
But now, i have sorted things out.
I guess..
Tight schedule ahead. And it's really frustrating.
Like hello, i am only free from Jan onwards, and it isn't guaranteed.
Cant help but think why i got myself into this.
Stupid me.
Why bother to work like a cow when i am just a student?
I will be slogging my guts out once i graduate, so why slog my guts out now?
Shouldnt i be enjoying the last few years as a student?
Stupid me.
Then humans have this problem about getting emotionally attached.
Esp when people are very nice to u.
So i keep harping that i want to resign, because i forsee another busy quarter ahead
but i have yet to do so because i cant bear to.
Arent i nice? Always worried and considering for other people.
Though it's at the expense of myself
Stupid me.
Another stupid thing i did was to take up hertage trail.
Now i am stuck with it, not knowing how to move on.
I dun want to be too reliant on jeraldin & alan,but i have no other support.
And it's tiring to run things without support, esp when u are a greenhorn.
It's not as though i didnt ask for help,but no one bothers to come forward.
Frustating but what can i do except to say,
Stupid me.
Yearning for a break.
I wanna enjoy life like a tai-tai.
I wanna go high-tea.
I wanna spend some time without worries.
I wanna go on leave.
I want time for myself.
I miss the 3 days at sentosa.
I want another getaway before school starts.
;Suddenly, i miss the times when i would end school,
and train down to pasir ris to meet alan for dinner.
简单的幸福 =)
♥ The Face Of Love
12:43 PM
12:43 PM
Saturday, December 10, 2011;
Somehow we cant even get through a peaceful month, cant we?
I guess my expectations were too high afterall.
I am a fool.
♥ The Face Of Love
12:12 AM
12:12 AM
Monday, November 28, 2011;
Into the second week of exams.
Ht9102 tmr and HC260 on thu.
2 more papers to go and it's FREEDOM.
Yes, i know i shouldn't be here,
but i just cant concentrate already.
Guess it's the stress that makes me feel like escaping.
I am kind of in that holiday mood already.
Life havent been a bed of roses recently.
In fact, it has been a bitch.
Everything is everywhere and I cant seem to put everything in order.
Sucks to not have breathing space for myself.
Broke down a few times but i guess i have recovered a little.
Made some decisions and yes, they were hard.
More or less decided to quit my job and take on tuition instead.
Timing would be more flexible and i would have more time to do more stuff.
But still still keeping my fingers crossed.
Tuition has its problems too. Seriously.
But i guess, it's no choice.
U always have to sacrifice something for something.
Glad that i have him around me to support me.
I guess things are pretty fine between us now,
and that's comforting to know.
Hope we will maintain it for awhile. =)
Well, i guess i should go back to reality already.
Wsh me luck because i really need it.
♥ The Face Of Love
4:46 PM
4:46 PM
Saturday, November 12, 2011;
插曲 #311
11.11.11
《那些年，我们一起追的女孩》
拉着你去看，想要的只是能找回暧昧时的感觉。
想起那时我们的单纯、幼稚，
想起那段时间的甜蜜、快乐。
刚在一起的我们，要得不多，
可是，得到的却不少。
起码，我们能感受到彼此的重要，能感受到彼此对这份感情的认真与付出。
因为害怕失去彼此，所以一直紧紧抓着不放，努力呵护与维持那刚刚萌芽的感情。
但，人往往都是贪心的。
因为得到了很多，所以要求得更多，架也越吵越多。
不知道为了什么而吵，也不知道有没有解决，
只知道吵了，哭了，和好了，吵了，哭了，和好了。。
感觉就想新传媒的戏，一直重播，一直重播。。
当初的感觉慢慢淡掉了，当初的热情与单纯好像也不在了。
对于彼此之间的认真与付出，我想，也慢慢消失了吧。。
我不知道我们还能在一起的原因是什么，
但感觉上好像不是爱，也不是喜欢，而是一种责任，还是为了那肉体上的安慰？
我不懂，也无法了解，因为你一直选择逃避。
你说，吵完了，就算了，忘了它，别去提了。
你说，心死了，就让它死吧。
你说，抱不住，就别抱吧。
我想，你应该也想说，分手就分手吧。
冷冷的，没有哄，没有想要挽回的意思。
冷冷地刺痛了我的心。
我不知道你是不是累了，不想爱了，不想一起走下去了，
还是，你只是因为害怕失去而选择逃避。
我只知道，你的手没有了当初的温暖，你的拥抱没有了当初的感情。
我好想知道，
♥ The Face Of Love
12:44 AM
12:44 AM
Monday, November 7, 2011;
三个字：“你很烦” 三个字：“心碎了” 泪了。累了。
♥ The Face Of Love
11:29 PM
11:29 PM
Tuesday, September 27, 2011;
Havent been updating for awhile.
Life sucks but still goes on.
I am finally Year 2.
Workload have increased,
and yes,i am struggling as usual.
It's recess week now, and i had planned to use this week to do some catching up.
But somehow, i cant get myself in the mood.
Maybe, i just need to give myself a break.
Aikido grading was sunday.
Number wasnt called, and i am praying hard i got through.
Dun like to feel disappointed, esp when aikido is my life.
Things between me and him have been going on fine.
Yes, we do have our ups and downs,
but which relationship doesnt have them?
What's important is that we grow stronger day by day right?
Life sucks but still goes on.
I am finally Year 2.
Workload have increased,
and yes,i am struggling as usual.
It's recess week now, and i had planned to use this week to do some catching up.
But somehow, i cant get myself in the mood.
Maybe, i just need to give myself a break.
Aikido grading was sunday.
Number wasnt called, and i am praying hard i got through.
Dun like to feel disappointed, esp when aikido is my life.
Things between me and him have been going on fine.
Yes, we do have our ups and downs,
but which relationship doesnt have them?
What's important is that we grow stronger day by day right?
♥ The Face Of Love
4:40 PM
4:40 PM
Saturday, July 30, 2011;
Tuesday was the day my age started with a 2.
Yes, i am officially 20.
And i was warmly welcomed into the elderly club.
Dun even know whether i should be happy or sad.
LOL!
Tuesday was spent with alan and jeraldin.
The both of them were the best "treasure" that i found from PLK YEC,
and not forgetting xianyang of course.
Haha! =)
And i got my Samantha Thavasa Wallet!
Credits to Alan!
=))
I am really happy that he spent the day with me.
Unexpected but still happy nonetheless.
He's not someone i would expect much from,
but somehow,
his little actions are always little surprises to me.
=)
Things are going at a comfortable pace,
and i really hope things will go on this way.
=))
Yesterday was my last day at Dimensions.
I wouldnt say i left the place with a heavy heart,
or with my eyes brimming with tears.
But the times spent there were really fun.
Thank you Eunice, Joanne XiJun and Joes for making it possible.
And Jiao Zi Mian!
But i need to start losing weight already.
HAHA!
Feeling very uncomfortable today cause i didnt get to train yesterday.
Feeling a bit down now.
I wanna TRAIN!!!
♥ The Face Of Love
9:08 AM
9:08 AM
Sunday, July 24, 2011;
It has been an eventful week.Fulfilling i would say.
BGM was yesterday,And Yes! We Prevailled!In fact, it was a fight we won hands down.Damn proud of it can?Cant help but feel that i have made the right decision.
The start of a new term will be a busy one.But i guess we are all prepared for it.
; sometimes i really wonder what we really are.just like how u asked me what it means yesterday. i didnt give an answer, just like how u didnt suggest an answer.though i have to admit that part of me feels disappointed,but i still feel that sometimes, somethings shouldnt be made clear. i like u, but i cant tell for sure what it is.so let's just keep things this way ok?
♥ The Face Of Love
11:38 PM
11:38 PM
Saturday, July 9, 2011;
Life have been rather hectic recently.Many things have happened or is happening.So some updates on things i feel like saying.LOL!
1)I passed my aikido grading.Finally got my hakama although i am still figuring how to wear & fold it.Sensei asked me to train as hard as possible so that i can make it for september's grading.JIAYOU!!
2)CSCC BGM is around the corner,Not sure what's gonna happen,but hopefully we will all get what we had initally planned out.Shall think positively and keep my fingers crossed.
3)Well, i realized i still have the ability to cry.Not that it should be something i should be proud of.Maybe i am just too tired.I know I have people i can turn to, but somehow, i am afraid of becoming a burden to others.I am feeling so lost, so small, yet i am struggling to live on.Sometimes, I really wonder if the struggle is worth it because as time goes by, things are back to the square one.Again.
Sometimes, you cant push all the blame to me.There's a reason behind my every action.It's not that i want to, but it's more like i have to.That's the only way to protect myself.
In your eyes, i was reminded of that incident where i was almost killed.I knew it, you hate me and yearn so much to kill me.In your words, i sense that i am nothing.I knew it, my existence simply disgusts you.
i wish i had the courage to end it all..
♥ The Face Of Love
12:52 AM
12:52 AM
Thursday, June 16, 2011;
Managed to get a job like finally.
Pay is not fantastic, but well, sustainable.
Shan't dwell so much on it already,
Must learn to be grateful for what i have.
Have been trying to sort some things out recently,
But it's really very tricky, esp when the other party doesnt say anything.
I am not a telepath like professor x for goodness sake.
But i can only say,
Things are not the way it seems to be,and i am not ready for something serious,neither do i want to be not treated seriously.
Contradicting? Confusing?
Yes, i know, but in short,
it just simply means i am enjoying my single life now.
LOL!
And my dad has been getting on my nerves recently.
Like really really irritating me.
And somehow, i was reminded ofthe incident 3 years back.
Like how i was almost killed by a flying chair.
This will be a scar that will live with me forever.
♥ The Face Of Love
11:49 PM
11:49 PM
Sunday, June 12, 2011;
I did the craziest thing with the craziest person yesterday!
Uncle alan took me for a ride last night after sending jeraldin and emilie home cause he knew i didnt wanna go home.
And where we went?
We went to NTU!!!
I thought he was just gonna show me the way to drive to school,
but in the end, we ended up exploring the school.
Walked from south spine to north spine, then back from north to south.
Imagine if we were to explore NIE too!
LOL!
It was my first time going back to school during the holidays,
and the first time walking around the school at time.
Shocked to see people actually walking around at night during the holidays.
But uncle alan said it is the norm, esp when u live in hall.
Well, thinking back, i cant believe i did that,
esp when i am damn scared of the school at night.
But with uncle alan that hiongster around,
I guess there will be more of such crazy acts.
Haha!
O, and shucks,
i think i am gaining lots of weight.
DAMN!!
i need to stop eating and start exercising!!
♥ The Face Of Love
11:19 PM
11:19 PM
Wednesday, June 8, 2011;
Some people are capable at nothing, except at spoiling people's mood.
Like damn it!
FUCK!
edited @ 11:28pm
人，往往在最失意时候看清这个世界。
现实真的太残酷了。
当你以为身边的人还会在你身边时，
他们其实早已离你而去。
到最后，只剩下你一个人默默地挣扎着。
你努力地想从谷底爬出来，认为自己一定能做到。
若幸运女神眷顾，你将能成功爬出谷底，找到自己的春天。
若幸运女神也离你而去，你将会一次又一次地跌回谷底，一直到你放弃为止。
到最后，即使有一天，有人发现了你，并鼓励你继续往上爬，你也只会自暴自弃，
因为你已经对自己失去了信心，你再也不敢相信自己，更无法相信任何人。
或许，这就是现在的我。
一个对自己没有信心，也无法相信自己，更不相信任何人的女孩。
或许，这才是正真的我。
我一直努力地从谷底爬出，原以为自己快要成功了，才发现是老天爷在和我玩捉迷藏。
或许是老天爷知道我累了，想要给我一些呼吸的空间吧。
毕竟，我也藏在面具背后很久了。
不要问我多久，因为我自己也忘了。
我一直告诉自己要坚强，不管发生什么事都不能哭。
我做到了，却在无意间觉得自己已经变成了一个没有感情的人，一个没有喜怒哀乐的人。
我发现自己失去了自我。
因为我一直相信，只有眼泪和悲伤才能为一个人注入生命，让他变得完整，
而我却因为放弃而失去了它们。。
♥ The Face Of Love
10:41 PM
10:41 PM
Tuesday, June 7, 2011;
Watched Kungfu panda 2 today!
Really enjoyed the movie, except that the threatre was very very cold.
Thanks uncle a for lending me his arms and rubbing my hands to give me warmth.
Greatly appreciated!
=)
Had dinner at NYNY today.
Uncle a ordered a mocha float,
and as usual, his float went into my tummy ^^V
My smoked salmon kiss-a-dear (quesadilla) was lovely!
Enjoyed it a lot except that i would like my cheese to be more melted,
if u get what i mean.
But overall, I have to admit that NYNY serve rather nice food.
Ok, i dunno why i am writing all this,
But I really had a great time today.
=)
♥ The Face Of Love
11:11 PM
11:11 PM
Thursday, June 2, 2011;
I am still bored.
So bored that i am hamtam-ing all the jobs i can find.
Just let me get a job! I freaking need a life!
O wells.
At leasst i still have aikido.
Grading is coming! Eeeks!
Sensei say i can go, time for me to go.
It really means a lot, boosted my confidence.
Praying hard that the examiners not in bad mood
=X
Gonna meet darlingg jeraldin for lunch tmr.
So happy, just me and her.
Wahaha!
Ok, before i go on bad-mouthing anyone,
i shall stop writing now.
Hope 老天爷 takes pity on poor me and offers me a good-paying job soon.
I dun mind APPLE if the pay is above 1.2k.
I swear i will get internships next time,
then i wont be hanging around aimlessly like now.
>.<
♥ The Face Of Love
11:50 PM
11:50 PM